Mistress of the Apes, Sultry Blonde and Ape-Men

So it isn't the most politically correct film out there...so sue me. I miss the 1970s cinema. Not everything was offensive. Even if it was offensive...tough! Today's films are idiotic and filled with unlikable protagonists. The men are neutered and the women are either tramps or masculine. Yep, give me 1970s exploitation cinema over any Christopher Nolan monstrosity. Today we look at 1979's "Mistress of the Apes," directed by Larry Buchanan.

Susan (Jenny Neumann)is rushed to the hospital to give birth. The baby is stillborn. The labor was put in jeopardy after three drug hoodlums accost a beautiful nurse (Dale Kalberg) and steal drugs, then shoot two cops...and knock Susan off the delivery table...don't ask. She takes this well and in a few days, Susan travels to Africa to search for her missing husband. The husband is quite dead, murdered by poachers after finding a tribe of the missing link. Susan meets up with handsome guide Paul (Garth Pillsbury). Yes, they'll have sex in the tent. This is not good news for magazine man David (Walt Robin). He is along to document the search for the missing link. See, David is in cahoots with the poachers and plots to kill Susan, Paul, and Laura (Barbara Leigh). Laura is David's unloving wife and is a real dish.

Susan goes off on her own and has no trouble finding the ape-men. Laura takes her top off and keeps getting raped and tortured, but keeps a positive attitude. Susan also takes her top off, only her sex is consensual, even with the ape-men. Now the poachers and David make their move to wipe out the expedition, the missing links, and Bantu maidens (don't ask). Laura will be raped and tortured and Susan will have sex with ape-men. Through it all, everyone stays happy and now Susan finds fulfillment. Uh oh, the heavily armed poachers aim to wipe out all witnesses and now Susan must introduce war into the ape-men culture.

Is a sultry blonde introduced into a tribe of two dozen ape-men a sure way to guarantee the tribe's extinction? Does the fulfilling sex with ape-men have anything to do with the...actually, never mind this question? Is there much of a difference between who Susan gets sex with and who Barbara gets sex with? This is a prurient tale that will offend many in 2021. For some raw cinematic enjoyment, see "Mistress of the Apes."