Red Sonja, Introducing Brigitte Nielsen

Yep, her first film.  The Euro-babe will be clad in a skimpy and shiny gladiator outfit the entire film, and also be wielding a big sword.  I have bad news for the unhappy college girl culture.  If you want to make it in the world, attach yourself to a good man.  You cannot do it without him.  Empowered and independent?  Don't make me laugh.  Save us all the trouble and juts find a man.  In 1985's "Red Sonja," Sonja does just that.  She gets into a jam, starts losing, and Arnold Schwarzenegger comes along and saves her impressive a**.  Today we will take a look at this Richard Fleischer film.

Sonja (Nielsen) is left battered, bloodied, and gang raped after Queen Gedren's (Sandahl Bergman) men murder her family.  Some ghost tells Sonja to man-up and go after Gedren. Okay, Gedren is busy.  She raids the fortress of some sultry priestesses and her men massacre the babes and steal a talisman that could destroy the world.  Now Gedren has the deadly talisman and plans to harness its power so she can rule the world. One babe-priestess escapes, Varna (Janet Agren).  As she dies Varna implores Sonja to find and destroy the Talisman before Gedren harnesses its power. Kalidor (Schwarzenegger) made this all possible by saving Varna's life and then fetching Sonja who was off learning to swordfight from the Grand Master. We've all been there.  The world is about to be destroyed and Sonja is off on her own selfish interests. Fortunately, a real man came into the film and refocused this strong, independent, and empowered woman.

Okay, joining Kalidor and Sonja is the little boy Prince Tarn (Ernie Reyes, Jr.) and his helpful valet Falkon (Paul L. Smith). Sonja ditches Kalidor and the other three proceed. They get in a jam when a dragon has them holed up in a cave. Kalidor comes and saves the day. Kalidor expresses interest in having passionate pre-marital sex with Sonja. She tells him she will have no man unless he beats her in a fair fight. A subtle invitation perhaps? Okay, back to the plot. Queen Gedren is waiting for Sonja and wants to kill the warrior herself.  A final battle looms and we wonder how Kalidor will save Sonja's a** in the inevitable catfight with swords.

Will Sonja realize she needs a man in her life if she plans on any kind of success?  Will Kalidor sicken of Sonja's talk of empowerment and independence and move onto Sheena (Tanya Roberts)?  Are babes in skimpy gladiator costumes wielding swords and needing hunks a plot that we need to see more of now that wokeness is dying?  See "Red Sonja" and treat yourself to a man's movie.