The death scene of Miss Philippines (Joanna Bacalso) is one of the most iconic death scenes ever put on film. The evening gown clad beauty turned fireball, shooting through the air, was such a beautiful thing to see. Then when the sultry ex-Miss Galaxy (Shannon Tweed), described in the film as "a Bruce Lee with boobs," blows up Miss Germany (Chandra West)! Ah, true poetry. Yes, today we look at 1995's "No Contest," directed by Paul Lynch. Never have so many evening gown clad ladies been in this much peril. A bit of trivia about "No Contest." This exploitation film was the inspiration for much of the plot of my novel, The Himalayan Devil Woman.
Miss France (Julie Armstrong) has just won the Miss Galaxy Pageant. As Sharon (Tweed) places a tiara on her beautiful head, a terrorist leaps onto the stage. Oz (Andrew Dice Clay) blows Miss France away and takes the the other five finalists, and hostess Sharon hostage. A group of terrorists take over the luxury hotel, and now Oz has the babes in the penthouse suite. He and his cohorts, which include Roddy Piper, beat them up, steal their jewelry, and place bombs on their wrists. Miss USA (Polly Shannon) is a hostage. Her dad's wealth is the ransom target. Miss Germany (West), also a hostage, is actually Oz's gal. Uh oh for the terrorists. Sharon, since winning the pageant, has become an action hero in the movies. She is adept at martial arts. As the beauties are beset, one of the terrorists takes Sharon to the pool for some rape. Bad move.
Sharon turns ninja, pummels the thug, escapes, and gets the bomb off her wrist. Now she can communicate with security guy Crane (Robert Davi). They will fall in love. Now Sharon crawls through air vents and sees Oz and Miss Germany finishing up steamy sex. She'll use her wrist band to blow up the fiendish beauty. Oh yeah, Miss Philippines panics and runs for freedom. Her wristband bomb will send her propelling through the air brighter than July 4th fireworks. Now Sharon takes it to the remaining thugs, but Oz is incredibly sadistic. Miss Canada (Bridget Griggs) is used to lure Sharon back to the penthouse. She'll be butchered if Sharon doesn't return for execution. Meanwhile the police raid the building and several dozen of them will be mowed down by Uzi wielding terrorists. It is up to Sharon to save the surviving finalists, kill Oz, and revive her movie career.
This is a heartbreaking film if you are a fan of swimsuit or evening gown clad pageant babes. Shannon Tweed is excellent as the kick-ass heroine fighting to survive the symbols of beauty and purity in our lands. Still, deep questions are posed: Did Miss France really deserve the title over the more stylish and elegant Miss Canada? Was Miss England's manicure appropriate for representing the Queen and her subjects, or is she just a skank? Is the fiery demise of Miss Philippines symbolic of the end of innocence in an island nation battling terrorism and western influence? "No Contest" is one of the greatest films ever made and if you haven't seen it...shame on you!
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