Helga, She Wolf of Stilberg, Sadist Vixen with a Whip

Eurotrash sexploitation! A 'woman in prison' film. Just who are these fans of 'women in prison' films? Other than us, that is. Teachers, clergy, elected officials, gynecologists, prison guards, inmates...to be brief, a cross-section of society. Sure, they don't admit it...but they love these films. Today we examine a French film, 1978's "Helga, She Wolf of Stilberg."  This film is directed by Patrice Rhomm. Our nymphomaniac Helga (Malisa Longo) will come at us with a heaping amount of S & M, and BDSM. Not that you want to see any of that.

A revolution is going on. Helga is sent to Stilberg Prison to be the warden. The prison inmates are all beautiful women suspected of being loyal to the rebels. Helga goes around in tight leather pants, a loose satin blouse, and a whip. She whips the inmates and watches guards rape them. She gets off on watching the guards rape the inmates. Oh yes, she picks her favorites. Lucky inmates are summoned to Helga's bedroom where they bathe with her, are whipped by her, and made love to by the deviant warden. Some like it, some don't. Then, Elisabeth (Patrizia Gori) is sent to the prison. She is the daughter of the rebel leader, and quite a babe.

Helga will have Elisabeth raped. When she refuses lesbian sex with her, Helga has her strung up and whipped...and raped some more. Then a good natured guard (Richard Allan) recommends to Elisabeth that she allow Helga to use her as a sex toy. Elisabeth, not wanting to be whipped anymore, then goes to Helga in her bedroom, apologizes, and bathes and has sex with her. Uh oh...Elisabeth likes it. Helga likes it. They frolic, they kiss, they snuggle...until Helga learns Elisabeth is planning an escape. Now its back to hard labor for Elisabeth and Helga takes her whip to the rest of the prisoners. Now, as Helga satisfies herself in bed and has other prisoners brought to her, Elisabeth goes forth with escape plans.

Did the whippings and torture help Elisabeth to become fond of Helga? What percentage of the prisoners enjoyed the whippings by the dominatrix-babe warden? What will happen to Helga if the prisoners revolt and end up in her bedroom as an angry mob? Clue: You'll find out. For a prurient and fun time on movie night, see "Helga, She Wolf of Stilberg." Oh, here is an idea for a film maker searching for an original idea..."Helga vs. Ilsa: S&M Catfight."    

No Contest, Beauty Pageant Babes in Peril

The death scene of Miss Philippines (Joanna Bacalso) is one of the most iconic death scenes ever put on film. The evening gown clad beauty turned fireball, shooting through the air, was such a beautiful thing to see. Then when the sultry ex-Miss Galaxy (Shannon Tweed), described in the film as "a Bruce Lee with boobs," blows up Miss Germany (Chandra West)! Ah, true poetry. Yes, today we look at 1995's "No Contest," directed by Paul Lynch. Never have so many evening gown clad ladies been in this much peril. A bit of trivia about "No Contest." This exploitation film was the inspiration for much of the plot of my novel, The Himalayan Devil Woman. 

Miss France (Julie Armstrong) has just won the Miss Galaxy Pageant. As Sharon (Tweed) places a tiara on her beautiful head, a terrorist leaps onto the stage. Oz (Andrew Dice Clay) blows Miss France away and takes the the other five finalists, and hostess Sharon hostage. A group of terrorists take over the luxury hotel, and now Oz has the babes in the penthouse suite. He and his cohorts, which include Roddy Piper, beat them up, steal their jewelry, and place bombs on their wrists. Miss USA (Polly Shannon) is a hostage. Her dad's wealth is the ransom target. Miss Germany (West), also a hostage, is actually Oz's gal. Uh oh for the terrorists. Sharon, since winning the pageant, has become an action hero in the movies. She is adept at martial arts. As the beauties are beset, one of the terrorists takes Sharon to the pool for some rape. Bad move.

Sharon turns ninja, pummels the thug, escapes, and gets the bomb off her wrist. Now she can communicate with security guy Crane (Robert Davi). They will fall in love. Now Sharon crawls through air vents and sees Oz and Miss Germany finishing up steamy sex. She'll use her wrist band to blow up the fiendish beauty. Oh yeah, Miss Philippines panics and runs for freedom. Her wristband bomb will send her propelling through the air brighter than July 4th fireworks. Now Sharon takes it to the remaining thugs, but Oz is incredibly sadistic. Miss Canada (Bridget Griggs) is used to lure Sharon back to the penthouse. She'll be butchered if Sharon doesn't return for execution. Meanwhile the police raid the building and several dozen of them will be mowed down by Uzi wielding terrorists. It is up to Sharon to save the surviving finalists, kill Oz, and revive her movie career.

This is a heartbreaking film if you are a fan of swimsuit or evening gown clad pageant babes. Shannon Tweed is excellent as the kick-ass heroine fighting to survive the symbols of beauty and purity in our lands. Still, deep questions are posed: Did Miss France really deserve the title over the more stylish and elegant Miss Canada? Was Miss England's manicure appropriate for representing the Queen and her subjects, or is she just a skank? Is the fiery demise of Miss Philippines symbolic of the end of innocence in an island nation battling terrorism and western influence? "No Contest" is one of the greatest films ever made and if you haven't seen it...shame on you!

Caged Fury, Lingerie Babes in Prison

Lingerie babes sent to a women's prison! Lingerie babes raped by a dominatrix/lesbian warden in a hot tub. Lingerie babes forced to group perform in a shower for the amusement of lesbian and sadistic guards. Lingerie babes pummeled by other lingerie babes...I could go on. 1990's "Caged Fury" is our feature today. This film directed by Bill Milling is gratuitous and prurient...so be warned. We don't see enough movies of lingerie babes strung up, raped, pummeled, and humiliated. Warning...Erik Estrada is in this!

The film begins with a lingerie babe (Kascha) trying to escape a weird women's prison. Clad in a thong and a white lace bra, she's captured and given to a monster guard for whatever he wants to do with her. Later, the sultry Kat (Roxanna Michaels) travels to Hollywood to make it as an actress. Uh oh, she ends up in this women's prison instead. She'll immediately be raped by Warden Cyndi Thorn (Mindi Miller) and her probation arbiter. She'll be beat up by her fellow babe inmates, Her one friend, Rhonda (April Dawn Dollarhide) will get similar treatment. Lesbian guards and the sadistic Spyder (Gregory Scott Cummins) will add to the torture of these sultry inmates.

Help may be on the way. In looking for her sister, Tracy (Elena Sahagun) will find herself in this prison. Now the warden and Spyder are able to torture and rape the sister-combo of Kat and Tracy. Uh oh...Kat finds out that many of the babe inmates are being torn apart or having their throat cuts. Yep, no one gets out of this joint alive. Okay, the sultry Tracy failed to bust her sister out...but never fear...Erik Estrada is on the way. Actually, the CHiPs star sends his buddy...really. Now all out war will break loose and dozens of lingerie babes will be mowed down by lunatic guards even before the fight begins.

Is Victoria's Secret or Fredericks of Hollywood the #1 choice for the female California prison population? Just what will the dominatrix/lesbian warden make Kat and Tracy do? Is it true that Lori Laughlin is already writing the re-make of this classic film? Prurient and in bad taste. Many ravishing damsels will die so horribly after rape and humiliation. Still, there is a frivolity about this film that makes it a wonderful movie watching experience. Stop caring what your friends think, see "Caged Fury."