The Lioness, Strippers beware

It's a dog eat dog world.  In the stripper … excuse me, exotic dancer community, it's a lioness eat babe world.  Okay...a bunch of femme fatale sultry strippers...sorry, exotic dancers all have greed and sex on their minds.  Anything wrong with that?  Not here.  The ladies in this film are all beautiful.  Sadly, some will die horribly and in some cases in heartbreaking fashion.  Yep...the life (and death) of an exotic dancer...a true American tragedy.  Today we look at 2019's "The Lioness," directed by Richard Poche.

Megan (Lacy Hartselle), an exotic dancer, is a newly arrived gal in town.  Her gig is she moves from strip club to strip club, rips them off, and moves to the next one.  She is sharing a condo with two other nubile, yet unsuspecting, dancers...Goldie (Gabriele Orebaugh) and Linda (Giuliana Gutierrez).  The three babes work at Gino's (Poche) club where the eagle-eyed beauty Anna (Desi Ivanova) watches them hard.  Anna is tough and has a 'I-Lost-A-Finger-In-Basra' story...who among us doesn't? Anna suspects one of the nubile dancers is stealing from the till...but which one?  Now Megan reverts to her criminal personality, the Lioness.  She wants the money in the safe.  Taking it would lead to too much suspicion and have her tracked down like a dog by the 9-fingered Anna.

Manipulation and guile rules the day as Megan puts her plan into place.  The money is lifted and now Anna wants bloody vengeance, and the cash back.  Goldie and Megan are now on the run.  Alas, poor Linda, she has no idea Megan is the Lioness.  Anna strongarms Linda to find her two partners.  Poor Linda, she unwittingly has become the prey for everyone in this film.  Now Gino is in on the act, and he turns homicidal.  The gals will fall so sadly...as in the old Giallo films, the beautiful die so horribly.  But wait!  Megan's plan is genius, at least for an exotic dancer...and now the 9 finger Anna and Gino may be in peril, as well.  Cat-fights and pre-marital sex will abound, so buckle up.

Will any of our lovelies survive this gratuitous and vicious Shakespearean tragedy?  Will Megan off her two sultry partners if it means getting away with the cash?  Will Anna have enough fingers to find the lovely trio, torture them, and cut their you-know-what's off?  Violent and alluring, the femme fatales in this film will have you cheering.  For a prurient good time, see "The Lioness."

The Sensuous Nurse, Ursula Andress as an Angel in White

1975 may go down as the best year in film history.  Or at very least, the year in which film audiences were sent to the shower, the most.  Two Ursula Andress sexploitation films graced the silver screen that year..."Loaded Guns," in which she plays a naughty and ambitious stewardess...and today's feature "The Sensuous Nurse." Both Italian films...and it is mildly refreshing to see an Italian film where the sultry lead babe isn't shredded by razors. Both these films were released when Ms. Andress was 39 years of age.  Her nudity and allure shows that a 39 year old Andress can blow away any twenty-something modern day actress. 

Leonida (Mario Pisu) is the patriarch of a family who owns Italian vineyards.  He's a naughty man. After visiting his wife's grave he has a heart attack after sticking it to the beautiful wife of the cemetery caretaker.  He is in dire condition and the only word he can utter is "pussy." His heirs want him dead so they can sell the vineyards to a greedy American (Jack Palance). Benito (Duilio Del Puerte) hires a sultry nurse, Anna (Andress), from a Swiss clinic.  Her job is to 'care' for Leonida, get him sexually excited, and make sure he has a second hear attack.  Anna shows up and meets the crazy family.  Many of them like role playing sex (you know, the 'Invasion of Iwo Jima' game) with the maid Tosca (Carla Romanelli). Anna seduces...everyone including Benito's 16 year old son, Adone (Stefano Sabelli).

Anna's skinny dipping scene is classic and it sends Adone into fantasy land. Benito wants Anna to hurry up and coaches her on stuff like shoving her boobs in Leonida's face and then her rear end in the same face.  Anna and Benito will have sex in the attic and Adone will witness it.  Uh oh...Adone believes her hears them talking about murdering Leonida.  Now Anna is sent to Adone's bedroom to see what Adone knows.  Adone will be treated to quite the striptease and you will see what happens.  Uh oh for Benito...Anna is not a murderer...she develops feelings for the perverted invalid.  Leonida is able to grope her butt and what red-blooded woman wouldn't like that?  As the family gets impatient for Leonida's demise, Anna turns of the sex appeal and nudity for many members of the household.

Will Anna de-virginize Adone?  Will Leonida's heart hold out or will Anna unintentionally kill him with her sex appeal?  If nurses still looked like Ursula Andress would Europe's healthcare systems be as awful as they are today?  Ursula Andress in a sexploitation film from Italy...that is all you need to know. For an evening in which you will be sent to the showers multiple times, see the double feature "Loaded Guns" or "The Sensuous Nurse." Or both!  So choose either a kinky nurse or a kinky stewardess...you can't go wrong.

The Hitchhikers, Nude Bandits

Vicious and brutal.  Alluring and prurient.  Heartbreaking and madcap.  Before there was "'Gator Bait," Ferd and Beverly Sebastian brought us 1972's "The Hitchhikers."  There will be skinny-dipping and pre-marital sex.  There will be nude frolicking and cat-fights (some, incredibly vicious).  There will be beer drinking and illegal drugs.  Misty Rowe delivers a tour-de-force performance as a fun loving, tragic heroine.  We might be cheering for the sexy hitchhikers but their crime spree will be brutal, and in another film, may be considered heartless or psychopathic.  But...let us have some frivolous fun today as we delve into this classic exploitation film. 

Maybe under-aged Maggie (Rowe) gets knocked up and thrown out.  Humiliated and pregnant, she hits the road for L.A.  Hitchhiking gets her only so far.  She'll be robbed by another babe hitchhiker, Diane (Linda Avery).  Now with no money, she's picked up by a sexual predator.  She'll be raped and cast out.  Hustling and robbing, Maggie is rescued by hippie Benson (Nick Klar).  He brings her to his free love colony in an out of the way ghost town.  Benson wants her to join his band of sexy highwaymen (women actually).  Uh oh...Diane is there.  Maggie attacks Diane and Diane kicks the living s**t out of Maggie.  In fact, Diane pummels Maggie so bad, she kills Maggie's baby.  Some of this film will be difficult to watch.

Maggie recovers and joins the crime spree.  Benson and his chicks are robbers.  The gals hitchhike and when middle-aged motorists stop for them, the gang robs them of all their valuables.  Maggie will fit right in.  Diane isn't done.  She sees Maggie and Benson falling in love.  More cat-fights will ensue and Benson and Maggie will have a lot of pre-marital sex.  More robberies by the roadside and some skinny-dipping, beer parties, and drunken revelry ensue.  As Diane realizes Maggie is the new object of obsession for Benson, she and Maggie will have a moment of truth.  As Maggie gets more and more hardened and depraved, more and more middle-aged men will be stripped of their cash and valuables.

Will Maggie and Diane ever have a cat-fight to the death?  Will a "Bonnie and Clyde" or a "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" ending await Benson and his sexy gang? Will any of these nubile cast members find a future in the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling?  Some of this film may be hard to watch, but there is enough frivolity, nudity, and Misty Rowe to ultimately make this a fun film...though you will probably not mention you saw it in mixed company.  For an important early 1970s exploitation film, see "The Hitchhikers."

Girl in Gold Boots, Go-Go Dancer in Peril

Go-Go dancers!  Those boots they wear, is there anything that says 'prurient fun' better than go-go dancers clad in go-go boots?  Say, as teachers bail out of the teaching profession in droves, might we see a resurgence in go-go dancing clubs?  We can only hope.  Joining stewardesses and kinky nurses, go-go dancers are a perfect vehicle for some nice exploitation/drive-in films. 1968's "Girl in Gold Boots," is one such film.  Directed by exploitation king, Ted V. Mikels, this film will throw some nice go-go dancing and dancers your way. 

Michele (Leslie McRay) is a sultry waitress at a greasy spoon in the southwest.  Her dad, the cook, slaps her around silly.  Enter the sweet talking Buz (Tom Pace). He sees Michele dancing to juke box music and tells her she should be a professional go-go dancer.  Michele raids the cash register and the two head to L.A. Oh yes, Buz has no money and says he has a sister, Joanie (Bara Byrnes) who is the head dancer at a Hollywood club.  The two pick up a hitchhiker, Critter (Jody Daniels).  This pseudo intellectual plays the guitar and herded yaks in Nepal.  Uh oh, Michele likes Critter more than Buz.  Buz and Critter will fight over Michele.  After a mini-crime spree, the trio reach L.A. and go to Joanie's club.  The beautiful Joanie is indeed the head go-go dancer at Leo's (Nark Herron) club.  She agrees to give Michele an audition.

The go-go dancers are fine!  Gold boots or silver boots...and sometimes shiny silver bikinis...very gratuitous.  They'll perform many numbers for our pleasure.  Michele makes the squad. Leo, the owner, also runs a drug ring.  He recruits Buz to run LSD for him and make pick-ups.  Critter is hired to mop the floors.  Leo loves Michele more than his own sister.  As Joanie gets more and more strung out on her brother's LSD, her dancing career tanks.  Leo replaces Joanie with Michele as head dancer.  More go-go dancing and more shiny go-go boots.  Now Buz is looking for a big score and Leo is getting more ambitious. Critter sees what is going on and tries to get Michele to leave with him before she follows the path of the overdosed Joanie.  Michele is seduced by her new found fame and her new bikini and gold boots.

Will Michele leave with the man she loves or follow the destructive path that ate up Joanie?  Are high-heeled shiny boots a woman's accessory that we are begging for in 2021?  Do we really need more young girls going into teaching now that most schools stay shut down, or is it nubile go-go dancers America needs?  Bring back go-go dancing and go-go dancers! Even NFL cheerleaders went away.  In an America that is at war with beauty and allure, let us make a stand and demand our go-go dancing clubs back!  For a fun film that shows all of us that America used to be fun, see "Girl in Gold Boots."