Joyride to Nowhere, Grade C Exploitation

What happens when low budget is even more low budget...a C movie is born. The good thing about C grade exploitation films...they are like pizza. Pizza, hot and juicy, or cold and soggy...its all good. Forget the budget, two pretty young ladies, car chases, fast cars, car crashes, explosions, and damsels in much peril, hence we have 1977's "Joyride to Nowhere."

Pretty high school student Cindy (Sandy Alan) has a problem. The clean cut blonde had a one night affair with a soldier. Now she's pregnant. She bumps into her pretty friend, the wild Leah (Leslie Ackerman). The wild child is running away to Los Angeles. Leah is escaping abusive parents. Cindy fears telling her dad about her pregnancy, so she joins Leah in running away. Cindy steals her dad's car and the gals take off with hardly any money. The car dies and the gals turn to hitchhiking. A pervert picks them up and gropes them. Cindy is naïve, but Leah is smart beyond her years. Leah's cunning gets them out of jams and usually enables the gals to abscond with wallets of the men who try to beset them.

After more hitchhiking they arrive at a dinner club. Local crime-lord Tank (Mel Welles) sees them and has to have them. He takes the girls home and only Cindy's cunning prevents him from soiling them. Now they trick Tank, steal his fat wallet, and car. Uh oh...Tank's car has $2 million in stolen loot in it. Now the vicious Tank and all his minions are after Cindy and Leah. No rest for the weary as anyplace they seek refuge has perverts seeking to engage in sex with them. Leah remains positive but Leah's pregnancy is producing sickness and complications. Tank and his army, along with cops are close behind. With Cindy and Leah out front, car chases and  explosions fill up the last third of the film. Cars will crash. Cars will fly into boats. Cars will explode.

Warning...this will have quite the controversial ending. If this film had a bigger budget and wider release, it may have been banned. The ending is not going to make everyone happy, though the intention of the filmmakers (Mel Welles and Ronald C. Ross) probably wasn't to make any social statements. Gritty, exciting, and heartbreaking, "Joyride to Nowhere" is a film that needed Claudia Jennings and a bigger budget...but the C grade nature of it is endearing. 

Vampire Ecstasy, Nude Lesbian Vampires

What can a candle shaped as a penis and a cucumber both be used for? If you know the answer...shame on you. If you don't, then I have a film for you. Yep, over 100 minutes of nude lesbian vampires dancing around, having lesbian sex, and shoving cucumbers and candles up there...well...you know. An inch away from pornography, if that, and very gratuitous, this is Euro-Trash at its most extreme. Directed by Joseph W. Sarno, from Germany, 1973's "Vampire Ecstasy" (aka "The Devil's Plaything").

Over 400 years ago the Baroness Vargas was burned by village babes after she tried to put them all under her spell. Too bad, the Baroness was a vampire, and no one thought to drive a stake into her. Her spirit lives on at her castle. Housekeeper Wanda (Nadia Henkowa) is actually a demonic priestess taking care of the spirit. Nadia summons two of the Baroness' descendants, Helga (Marie Forsa) and Monika (Ulrike Butz). These two nubile babes will fall under the Baroness' spell immediately and masturbate a lot and also shove candles up their...well, you know. Also arriving is Dr. Julia (Anke Syrino) and her brother Peter (Nico Wolforstettler). The brother and sister have a penchant for sensually kissing each other. Their car broke down and they find refuge at the castle.

Julia figures out right away who Wanda is and that she desires to put the Baroness' spirit into the body of Helga or Monika. Helga continually masturbates in the film, thus Peter falls in love with her.  Helga and Peter have a lot of premarital sex and Julia increasingly desires sex with her brother, too. As Wanda and her band of lesbian vixens dance and satisfy themselves with anything that will snugly fit into their...well, you know... the Baroness' spirit grows restless. Julia tries to mount a defense against the resurrection of the centuries old vampire, but having sex with her brother Peter seems to get in the way.

Is there any stopping the Baroness' resurrection in the body of either Monika or Helga? Will 100 minutes of nude beauties fondling and satisfying themselves get tiresome to the discerning viewer? Will Julia have sex with her brother, and/or put an end to the vampire coven? This is one of the most sexually gratuitous films you will ever see. For a good stroking of your prurient interests, see "Vampire Ecstasy" and avoid cucumbers on your next salad.

Girls Guns and Blood, Sultry Hookers in Much Peril

Today we have the best grindhouse exploitation film of the past ten years. Yep, beautiful hookers who love what they do and, oh yes, they will do so much in this film. They will ply their trade, get pummeled, get humiliated, and finally...get vengeance. Beware...as fun and titillating as 2019's "Girls Guns and Blood" is, our lovelies will be put in mortal danger and won't be immune from dying horribly, themselves.

Monique (Rebecca Love) is boss of The Dreams Come True Ranch (brothel). She arranges a private party for friends of a crime-lord. They will have big money to spend. The gals get all dolled up and are excited. Uh oh...the party, headed by Jamie (James W. Evermore) will rob the brothel and kill some of the beauties. The girls get owned and knocked out. Kitty (Christine Nguyen) gets chloroformed, Angel (Cody Renee Cameron) and Trix (Britney Amber) will have their heads smashed together giving oral sex, and Beretta (Kleio Valentien) will be drugged while being owned. The gals should've known better and when they awake, some of the sultry colleagues are quite dead.

Jamie and his gang get away with the mobster's loot. The four surviving hookers need to get it back.

The four set out with guns, bows and arrows. Dressed in alluring but trashy leather and cleavage enhancing attire, the gals are aided by a tracking device on Jamie's pick-up. One by one they will find the gang. They will rape one of the bad guys to death on their way to Jamie. Uh oh...as fun as this film is, not all the vengeful whores will survive. Over confidence can be a killer and some of the beauties will perish. Uh oh again...more is going on than appears. As the gals get closer to Jamie, they will find there are more dangers than just the thugs who robbed and murdered at their brothel.

Will any of our darlings survive the evil gang? Will there be any make-out scenes between our avenging hookers? Who will inflict more torture and humiliation...Jamie's gang or Monique's surviving angels? This film has some allure, gratuitous nudity, deviant sex, and heartbreaking killings. For some prurient fun and hooker carnage, enjoy "Girls Guns and Blood," directed by Thegin German and Robert Rowland...and take heart...a sequel may be in their grand scheme. 

Moonshine County Express, Feisty Babes and Car Chases

Feisty Babes! Gunfights! Car chases! Moonshine! Today we look at a film highly influenced by Burt Reynolds films of the 1970s. However, here, the action and allure are ramped up a few degrees. 1977's "Moonshine County Express," directed by Gus Trikonis, has no slow moments, and every scene and line of dialog have several exclamation points. "Brady Bunch" fans will revel at Maureen McCormick's (Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!) perky performance. There's more! 1970s B movie queen Claudia Jennings is also in this and so is Burt Reynolds! Wait! No...not Burt Reynolds...but a poor man's Burt Reynolds...John Saxon!

Pap Hammer (Fred Foresman) operates a moonshine operation in the hills. His operation is wiped out by Starkey's (William Conrad) thugs. Pap is murdered, as are most of his employees. Now his three feisty daughters want revenge. Dot (Susan Howard), the real star of this film, is seething. She and her two sisters, Betty (Jennings) and 16 year old Sissy (McCormick) are beset by crime lord Starkey. He wants their land...they won't sell. This may be a moot point as the gals don't have any money...or do they? Eureka! Pap left his darlings vintage prohibition whiskey...cases of it...pure gold. Now the gals have a plan...undercut Starkey and sell better spirits to local establishments. Starkey murders anyone who does business with the gals. Enter JB (Saxon).

JB desires Dot...Dot has other things on her mind...like murdering Starkey. Still, Starkey is always two steps ahead of our three beauties and he keeps bullying them. When the threats materialize into bullets, explosions, and more gunfights, JB decides to join forces with the gals to defeat Starkey. Starkey, who loves deviant role playing sex with barely of age beauties, is a formidable foe. Still Dot is desperate to murder him and avenge her dad's death. The gals grab shotguns, ramp up their aggressiveness, and go to war. Uh oh...Starkey is ruthless and pretty little Sissy is about to find this out.

Will the three gals be able to muster enough violence to answer Starkey's homicidal intentions? Will JB and Dot forget about guns, cars, and whiskey long enough to enjoy some pre-marital sex? Wait...aren't those three things intertwined? Susan Howard and the other actresses are fantastic and in full command of the screen...no subtlety in their performances. John Saxon is terrific as a Burt Reynolds character, and William Conrad is so very dastardly as the local crime-lord. This is a loud and gratuitous one.  Enjoy "Moonshine County Express," as it  will give you your fill of car chases, gunfights, and beautiful babes. Is there really anything else we need?