Skyscraper, Anna Nicole Smith Dies Hard

When Anna Nicole Smith (1967-2007) died, no one said, "She died so young, we'll miss her." I think most of the world was pretty done with her. Today, most of the world is pretty done with the Jenners' and Kardashians'...though a pre-mature demise doesn't appear in the cards for them. With the obnoxious and nauseating existences of the Kardashians' and Jenners', well maybe, just maybe, we now realize that we weren't fair on Ms. Smith and her tiresome fame. Let us not forget she did give us the best "Die Hard" rip-off out there! Not even the Italians made a good "Die Hard" rip-off. Today we look at 1996's, straight-to-video, "Skyscraper."

Carrie (Smith) is a commercial helicopter pilot bringing rich guys from skyscraper to skyscraper in L.A. and Long Beach. So, of course, as the film begins, Carrie is partaking in a very gratuitous and extra long shower scene. She'll be joined in the shower by her hunk detective husband, Gordon (Richard Steinmetz). They'll then partake in a very gratuitous sex scene...then Carrie will prance around in some skimpy white undies. Okay, some suave terrorist, Fairfax (Charles Huber) hires her. Eventually Fairfax has her bring him to a certain skyscraper. Carrie doesn't know that he and his merry band of terrorists plan to take over the tower. Well, the terrorists kill a lot of people, cops, security guards, office workers, etc and Carrie is now on the run in the tower.

Carrie will do what Bruce Willis did in "Die Hard," and many scenes were lifted right out of "Die Hard." Oh yeah, unlike Bruce Willis, Carrie will be raped by a terrorist. Fear not, she'll send her rapist out a skyscraper window to his death. She'll be chased, bloodied, slapped, and agitated. She'll respond by killing terrorists. When her husband responds to the carnage in the tower, the two of them will fight the terrorists. There will be a couple more gratuitous love scenes, in which Carrie and husband will roll around completely nude.

What exactly do the terrorists want? I don't remember, and who cares? Is there any truth to the accounts that Bonnie Bedelia had similar gratuitous love and nude scenes but they were cut from the final version of "Die Hard"? If Anna Nicole Smith had made more gratuitous exploitation films instead of marrying some old rich guy, would we now be celebrating her life? "Skyscraper" is sleazy trash, but the kind of sleazy trash we like. For those looking for a  guilty pleasure, see "Skyscraper."

Captive Factory Girls 2: The Revolt," Sweaty Babes in Much Trouble

Japanese sexploitation! We don't admit we enjoy these films...but we do. Given the choice of a Cate Blanchett or Meryl Streep film, we'll pass and instead choose one with sweaty and half naked Asian damsels being tortured and humiliated. Why? Are we perverts or misogynists? Or are we just honest in confessing our preference? Does it matter? Hence we take a look at 2007's "Captive Factory Girls 2: The Revolt" (aka "Kankin Kojo: Hangyako no Amazones-tachi").

Azusa (Ai Sayama) is radiant in her job as an...eh...escort...at a...eh...gentlemen's club. She is given to 'gentlemen' to make them feel good. One night she breaks up the rape of her friend...mistake. Azusa now must be punished. She is sent to be a slave laborer in a gun factory that caters to underworld organizations. She'll sweat a lot and most of the sweat will drip down her cleavage. She'll be gang raped by guards and pummeled in bath-tub cat-fights. Perhaps a metaphor of Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood or Bill Clinton's internship program.

Naomi (Nitsuki Asada) is the head slave laborer. She takes a liking to Azusa. This riles Yuri (Rino Konno). Yuri sees Asuza as the cause of all of them getting punished. Yuri will attack Asuza a lot and rip her clothes off. Asuza will be strung up for torture and rape after Naomi escapes. The factory bosses believe Asuza knows of the escape. Now Naomi, another slave babe Yoko (Nana Otone) unite to plan an escape. Uh oh...the factory bosses aren't stupid. Betrayal, more gang rape, and more sweaty cleavage awaits.

Will any of the sweaty damsels escape from their slave labor? Is the depiction of brutal and misogynistic slave labor atrocities a prescient foretelling of what Amazon has become under Jeff Bezos? Although you will love this movie, are you going to tell anyone about it? For a film that will tickle your prurient interests, see "Captive Factory Girls 2: The Revolt."